Thursday, June 21, 2007

Witness to an abandonment



While at the orphanage, I was witness to an event that had a profound impact on me, and was of great significance to me as an adoptive parent – Abandonment.

Of course the event caused an emotional response in me that I had rehearsed in my mind several times, in the extremely improbable event that I would be faced with the “Truth” behind our daughters origins.

It’s one of those things that me as an adoptive parent am forever labeled as “unable to understand”. “The pain of separation” is something that only abandoned children must truly reconcile with, while I am left to read books and consult with therapists in order to prepare myself with the inevitable discussions with my daughter.

In many ways we are all left, at one point or another in our lives, with facing these unanswerable questions of loss and grief. I only am cursed with the fact that I will be unable to truly share this pain that my daughters will hopefully learn to cope with.

And while most of us adoptive parents are left to sift through the reports about our daughter’s abandonment, in those very nicely printed and sealed documents that are presented to us by the orphanage or government staff, we wonder what REALLY happened, and wonder if we really WANT to know what happened.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to know or understand these things, but during my time in Siping I had the distinct honor of being part of a story which few beyond the orphanage walls are privy to, which is the beginning of the great story of a baby.

I named her “baby Joyce”. Of course Joyce isn’t her real name, but it was the name I gave her. I know that her forever family will have a name for her, and I can’t wait to hear what it is.
It started with Hannah and I preparing to leave the Siping orphanage. The director thanked us for our donations, and in particular, for our support of needed surgeries.

I had my camera, videocamera, and notepad tucked away in my backpack, when Hannah and the director began chatting vigorously between each other. Hannah looked very intense, and when they spun on their heels and went back towards the orphanage, I knew something was up.
When Hannah began to talk back at me as she was climbing the stairs, a chill gripped me, and I felt unable to breathe. Hannah said there is a foundling upstairs, who is less than 3 days old. She was found only hours ago, and has a special need, which is the suspected reason for her abandonment.

Hannah’s eyes locked with mine as she said, “We’re going to take a look.”

I knew that look from Hannah. I had seen it many times before. Hannah doesn’t “take a look”. Hannah is an Angel, and she saves lives. I knew right away that we were now path of destiny, one which now involved a little girl.

The head of the orphanage was a few paces ahead of us, and as we finished our climb up the steps, I saw her duck into a room at the end of the hall. When we arrived, I saw a room full of spare equipment, and looked down and saw only a pile of clothes.

Only it wasn’t a pile of clothes. It was an oblong and white, and was angled on a bouncy seat. Only when I saw a tiny head move did I gasp in surprise.




All alone in the little room, the tiny girl lay swathed in blankets. Hannah knelt down beside her and stroked her face, and little tiny eye slits parted, revealing crystalline brown eyes.




Hannah chatted with the orphanage director, as they discussed the child.




She still had amniotic fluid dried in her hair. Her bellybutton still had the remnants of the umbilical cord.

My eyes went wide as I realized that the mother of this child was probably still nearby. She would still be recovering from the birth of the child. While I am not worthy to even speculate as to her thoughts, I began to grieve for her (which I know is still presumptuous of me).

I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer. I am near to the nexus of the most unknowable part of this child’s life, of the causes of why and how. And I know that even as this girl comes of age, and I am able to talk with her and share with her all the photos and pictures, and memories, and thoughts and opinions I have, I still will not be able to provide her with any answers.

But I will be able to tell her that we found solutions.




The director and Hannah came to an agreement that Hannah would be able to care for this child in the short term. I can only hope I played a part in the decision, letting her know that we would do what it took in order to make sure this child received the operation she needed.




We took her to Hannah’s facilities where she was cleaned up and placed in a crib.
Hannah continues to monitor her progress, and I look forward to seeing her surgery go through successfully.
Click Here to see a video of this really cute child